I had a great chat with a fellow sugar baby recently. We were discussing our current dating situations and how the sugar dating lifestyle has affected how we view relationships. The “arms length affect” is what I call it.
We do this (as sugar babies) because we are conditioned to the boundaries of the relationships we seek and involve ourselves in. It wasn’t until recently that I even thought it was possible to recognize REAL feelings for a non-sugar man. I’ve always wondered if I’d pass up a “good man” because of sugaring. I never thought it would be such a tough transition, until I met Miller. It made me flip out. Who would have thought that feelings could be so scary?? To some degree it is life changing. I chose sugaring as a way to still have connected relationships, but without the trappings of traditional dating. I did not think ahead to it’s potential ending or how a transition might play out.
How many of us have found ourselves in this situation? I would bet it is quite a few of us. I would also venture to say that the “arms length affect” applies to a lot of the relationships in our lives. Most sugar babies keep their relationships a secret from friends and family. Thus creating this bubble around ourselves. Over time the walls get thicker and we become more jaded. We trust less and less and we look at people differently. So when it comes to making the move to “real life” relationships, we feel at a disadvantage. We have been in a “getting mine” mindset for so long, we forget what genuine love feels like. The kind of love where there is no price tag or expiration date.
For me, it has always been a rule to not sugar and have a significant other at the same time. I like things in my life to not be complicated. Two sugar daddies is a totally different story, though! Ha Ha! I was always fearful of having to make a hard choice and eliminated any possibility of that. Now I wonder if that was a wise choice. Did I create my own deficit? I think it is a definite possibility, but what’s done is done. I am just thankful that sugaring did not change who I am as a person. Remaining unchanged at your core should be every sugar babies ultimate goal. When our sugar days are done, we will all have great shoes, handbags and memories. We should also have a better sense of ourselves. Our take-away should be a life lesson in personal empowerment and growth. If you look back in 10 years, it should be fondly and with no regrets.
Lisa is an experienced sugar baby blogger, certified dating coach and matchmaker. She specializes in Sugar Dating Matchmaking and “tough love” coaching. You can read more from her blog, The Sugar Daddy Diaries, or become a coaching client at Detroit Date Coach.